Resolving Marital conflict

One of the stories that I treasure so much is the story of Joseph and Mary. It bring me a lot of comfort each time I read the story.

Mat 1:18  Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost.

Mat 1:19  Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily.

Mat 1:20  But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.

Mat 1:21  And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins.

Mat 1:22  Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying,

Mat 1:23  Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.

Mat 1:24  Then Joseph being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife:

Mat 1:25  And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name JESUS.

It teaches God can intervene in any marital crisis

Mary was found pregnant with a child without Joseph her husband meeting with her. The man would have been suspecting a foul play on the part of Mary. Possibly, Joseph would have been saying Mary is a flirt. The Holy Bible gave us the CV of Joseph

Mat 1:19  Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily.

The bible record that Joseph was a “just man and and not willing to make her a publick example”

There is a lesson to learn from Joseph

1. He was just: To me, it probably means Joseph was considering himself to be in Mary’s shoe. Possibly Joseph was thinking about the plight of Mary, if he exposes the Mary that she has committed adultery and the shame, Mary would have to bear.

Also the man was just, it implies he was matured, balanced enough  to handle the challenge.

2. He was not willingly to expose his wife: How many of will emulate this great character.  You are not exposing you partner’s fault to a 3^rd party. You  are ready to bear the bear his/ her fault.

3. He did not take a rash decision: Joseph was a very patient man. Joseph was pondering over the issue for possibly days. When our partners make certain mistake, let us learn to keep quite and ponder like Joseph.

I like to emphasize that it was while Joseph was pondering over the issue, that an angel sent from God appeared to him through a dream.

If we follow this principle, somehow God will intervene our in whatever martial crisis we find ourselves

The God’s dimension

Mat 1:20  But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.

Mat 1:21  And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins.

Mat 1:22  Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying,

Mat 1:23  Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.

God is interested in marriage since He is the originator of marriage. He watches this institution with keen interest. Though Joseph had made up his mind that he would secretly put away Mary, The God of Heaven had to send his angel to Joseph to dissuade him from his decision. The Lord told him that He knew about the crisis that was rocking his family and the reason for the crisis. Also God told him what He want to achieve with the situation.

I believe also, God is interested in our marriages, and whatever crisis is rocking us, God has reason for allowing it. Also God want to bring something glorious out of it.

Friend, don’t give up on that marriage, God want to intervene!

Reasons for Marriage

God has reasons for setting up the marriage institution. To discover these reasons, we need to refer back to the Bible. It is the book God himself authored

2Ti 3:16  All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:

Here are some reasons

1.For Blessing; The Lord did not bless Adam, the first man until the Lord gave the him a woman. The word of God records that God bless them

         

     Gen 1:28  And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

The word of God did not record that God bless him but recorded that them. So we can infer that until Adam an Eve were joined together by God, God did not pronounced the blessing. It was after the joining. We can conclude that marriage provoke the blessing of God.  If you marry according to the will of God, definitely there is a blessing for you.

2 . To overcome loneliness: God himself is not a loner. God is a God who walk in group

          Gen 1:26  And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

Gen 3:22  And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:

Gen 11:6  And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.

Gen 11:7  Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech.

Isa 6:8  Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.

God doesn’t want man to be lonely, therefore God made for him a woman. Marriage was created for companionship and fellowship.

Gen 2:18  And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Mal 2:14  Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.

3. For Procreation: It is the desire of God to populate the world. The way God does this is through the institution of marriage. A man and woman, legally married meets together sexually in order to procreate and have children

Mal 2:15  And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.

Gen 1:27  So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

Gen 1:28  And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Malachi 2: 15 tells us that because God seek godly seed (children), Genesis 1:28 say God bless them to be fruitful i.e to bear children

4. For pleasure and to avoid fornication and adultery; The Lord knew quite well that man is a sexual being, and for him to enjoy sexual pleasure without sinning, the marriage must be in place. Within the confine of marriage, sexual pleasure is not sin

1Co 7:2  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

1Co 7:3  Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

1Co 7:4  The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

1Co 7:5  Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

5. For mutual assistance. . One of the reasons why God created marriage is for assistance.

Ecc 4:8  There is one alone, and there is not a second; yea, he hath neither child nor brother: yet is there no end of all his labour; neither is his eye satisfied with riches; neither saith he, For whom do I labour, and bereave my soul of good? This is also vanity, yea, it is a sore travail.

Ecc 4:9  Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.

Ecc 4:10  For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

Ecc 4:11  Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?

Ecc 4:12  And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Marriage: An Idea from God

The marriage institution wasn’t a man idea. It was an idea from God. It is sacred and should be held in high esteem.

Gen 2:18  And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

This verse of scripture tells us some point about marriage.

1.     It was God who took the initial step to institute marriage

2.     That marriage is meant for companionship and fellowship.

3.     It is God that can give that can give man “ the right help meet ”

Marriage was a yearning from the heart of God when HE saw that Adam was lonely. Because God himself wasn’t a loner, The Bible tell us

Gen 1:26  And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

Gen 3:22  And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:

Gen 11:6  And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.

Gen 11:7  Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech.

Isa 6:8  Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.

Also, when God created animals, birds and fishes, he created them male and female, but it was quite different for man. Adam was a loner. No partner, no helper to assist him. Therefore, He saw the need to make for him a woman, a companion. The yearning all started by God and not Adam (I wish to talk more about this later in my other postings)

The marriage institution was setup by God to overcome the issue of loneliness in man.

Gen 2:18  And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

God seeing the loneliness of man, decided to make for man a help meet for him. This implies that marriage was instituted for companion and fellowship in order to overcome the challenge of loneliness.

Mal 2:14  Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.

It will take the God to make the right help meet for every man. No man do the making of the “help meet for man”

Gen 2:18  And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I (God himself) will make him an help meet for him (Man).

That is why it is very instructive for every man and woman to seek the Lord’s face when it comes to the issues to marriage.  It is the Lord who knows the right man or woman for every individual. He is the Potter, we are clay in his hand (Jeremiah 18:6)

Shalom!